wow, this is an interesting topic, but I don't think it has its place here. I will move the thread to the 'whatever you want to talk about section'. arckane, you didn't post in the wrong place, on the contrary, it's just that the thread went in an off topic discussion.
My opinion (and I'm not a parent yet) is that it's simply wrong. I do understand your motives and I would LOVE to do it myself for my little sister or whatever (and I may even do it), but I just feel it's wrong, I know that the thing I value most is my privacy, whether it be as an adult or as a child.
The way to educate someone is not like that, you should sit down with your daughter and make sure she understands your motives, make her enable that option herself, knowing what is being done and accepting that fact. Same as CL cleaning, ask her who is every contact and ask why this or that contact should stay on the list and why it should be removed, take the decisions together...
as snipe said, you might monitor everything she does on internet, but you can't sit next to her in class or hide under her class's window to listen to what she says... you can't really monitor her, the best way to do it is to have her trust, not you trusting her, but her trusting you. This way, she'll chat, go to school and every day sit down with you and tell you what happened during the day, who said what, who bullied her, who annoyed her, and you can her advices, this way, you'll really know everything and it won't be intrusive.
In the other case, a plugin that would show a "parental control loggin, whatever" message will not only make her mad at you but it will also make her either use a different client on purpose to make sure you don't read the 'important discussions' and she'll still use amsn but never say anything you don't want her to say (do you really think someone will talk about secrets while knowing being monitored by his parents?)
Also, what if you discover something, like for example someone who 'forces' her into stealing something, you would go and say "don't do it?", then it will be "how do you know?" and it will be a huge mess, and I'm pretty sure that most of the time, the rebellious reaction will be that she'll do what you don't want her to do, just to annoy you.
If you want to avoid that, it wil lbe even more difficult, you'll know she has a problem but can't do anything, can't talk about it, and it wil lbe frustrating (trust me, by experience), it will make it even harder.
The best thing is that you need to trust her. Not trust as in she's good or bad, but trust her as in she's able to make her own decisions. If she's not, then you have to always lead her, but she has to know why.
Anyways, enough of that, I think I said enough of my opinion.
It's nice to see you talk about it without fighting, but I really sensed that you were all cautious with the "look, I swear, I respect you and I don't want to start any fight here"...
anyways, you know I mean no harm either.
take care and good luck!
